getting back on the cuckoo’s nest

or “One flew over the horse” . . .

Had one of those moments over the weekend. At the end of an intense week at work and trying to fit in an ounce of home time and deal with, well, numerous inane ramblings in my head I got to the start of Saturday and fell to pieces.

No “one” thing got me there, just tried to burn the candles at both ends and realised I had run out of steam. The first chance to take a breather and it all caught up with me.

I had focused Saturday morning on the selfish activity of buying myself a present. A 40th birthday present for next year (that means it is too expensive to contemplate for now and the only way of justifying it was to attach it to a birthday of significant merit) but one that would not be completed until then. The wheels fell off this activity. The person at the shop I was dealing with was not there, no one had record of our conversation, and it just wasn’t going to happen. I started to crumble.

Most of the weekend then spiralled into exhaustion; sleeping for a few hours and trying to grab back my sanity. The only sensible alternative was to give myself a hermit weekend. And so I did.

In the process I looked back over the week that was and tried to self-assess, psychoanalyse, and generally understand how I got in this mess. Simple. I let my rhythm fall aside and got caught up in the chaos. My prayer rule was scattered at best, sleep was an occasional commodity, I went straight from work to dinner to laptop to bed with no “buzz-free” period. This fed the cycle so every day a little bit more wandered away.

It is a place I have been before. It is too easy for me to gradually drop the things that keep me together to the side and wonder what planet I am on a week later. So be it.

In my recovery I got some alone time. Good for me. Probably even better for the wife (not being around captain grumpy for a while). I put my prayer rule back on track and then just sat. Nothing more, nothing less. I just was. A little later, the sun coming out, I sat out the backyard and absorbed the rays for a little. Again, I just was. Then I went through a few prayer ropes slowly and carefully to try and find the stillness I so dearly needed.

Thank God I arrived back into reality, albeit still a little tired by the end of the weekend. This week started better with the routine returning. It will be another busy week, a few days down in Melbourne packed with meetings but I need to keep on track.

As a result I missed our choir doing pieces voiced for male choir. But to the marvels of technology and a couple of parishioners I can watch them now, and so can you!

You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus, 2 and what you have heard from me before many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. 3 Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. 4 No soldier on service gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to satisfy the one who enlisted him. (2 Timothy 2:1-4 RSV)

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